Slipknot (according to ED)
Slipknot - (aka Slipcock, Shitknot, Skiplot, Slopkunt, I’d-Rather-Have-A-Blood-Clot, Slapknut Slaptit) or occasionally even is a faggot wanna-be metal band that is usually listened by 12 year old boys who want to be “SO COOL AND HARDCORE-DESU!!” from the middle of nobody cares. Originating in a mystical land known as “Iowa”, Slipknotis an angsty mallcore band who are a favorite of 16 year old girls, poseur goths, indiefucks, 7-11 cashiers in their early to mid-20’s and other Hot Topic drama whores. Consisting of at least 100 members (many of whom were unsuspecting victims randomly abducted off the street), Slipknot is fronted by singer Corey “Midget” Taylor, drummer Joey Jordison, and token fatass Shawn “Clown” Crahan. Their lyrics are typical angst-ridden shit covering subjects such as bleeding to death, swearing, Pseudo-Satanism, imaginary girlfriends, swearing, gouging your eyes out and also swearing. Don’t forget about the whole, “We’re not in it for the money, so go to Hot-Topic and buy a SlipKnoT bar stool, shot glass, hat, hoodie and T-Shirt, cause we’re so not in it for the money!!!elevenone!!”
All of the band members wear distinct masks and boilersuits. A common unfounded rumor is that they wear masks to hide the semen and Santorum stains on their faces. While this may certainly be true, it’s most likely because they’re all fuck-ugly.
When not bitching, whining, and cursing in interviews about how “fucking brutal” they are, the band members can be found engaging in homosexual acts, raping Joseph Stalin, and beating each other to death with frozen cow heads and dead babies.
Some fans claim the band sold out with their latest release “Vol. 3: The Subliminal Verses” (their fourth album). This is false however, the band was a bunch of sellouts since the moment they made the band, of course, that’s because every single kid in the town went to the mall to buy that “br00tal music” lol. in truth everyone knows that Corey Taylor listens to ‘br00t4lz DEAthc0re muzak???’
Fans of Slipknot are called “maggots” (more liek faggots amirite??) because most of them are extremely fat, bad-smelling, slimy and pale-skinned, due to never going outside.
Still, they are a million times less stupid than ICP.
The Smiths (according to ED)
The Smiths contain not one but two huge indie fuck-head icons - Johnny Marr and Morrissey. Marr, the guitarist, was praised for writing rhythm guitar parts any retard could come up with (wow chord sequences!!) but then playing them with a hundred guitars so you just get a synth-esque orchestral mush in the background of any Smiths song. Wow, that’s talent! Morrissey is basically responsible for making it cool for Indie kids to whine, which allowed emo influence to slowly creep into the genre, which finally resulted in emo/indie shit such as Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance. The Smiths themselves, while nothing in shittiness compared to these bands, were just samey boring 80s pop music with pretensions towards art and plenty of allusions to homosexuality. Emos don’t actually listen to The Smiths; the fat middle-aged mothers of emos do
The Moldy Peaches (according to ED)
Ever try to record a song on your computer for a band you were in last thursday with horrible results? If so, you may have been in the Moldy Peaches. Famous for having one of their shit songs in a shit movie; they basically capture the whole shitty ’underground indie’ movement: horrible songs recorded in a shed. The liner notes of their only album admits it.
Bright Eyes (according to ED)
Remember that time where you got bullied on the playground? Conor Oberst got bullied more. Remember that time where you tried to hang yourself in the shower stall of your dormitory? Conor Oberst tried that and failed - twice. Remember when your uncle made you give him a blow job while you were going through a car wash? Nobody could hear Conor Oberst either, but he cried longer and harder. Bright Eyes exemplifies all there is to hate about indie and emo music. But, if you dare question his “aptitude as an artist” to anybody between the ages of 15 and 30 be prepared for a stroll through living hell. We all know sounding like you have cerebral palsy when you sing is deep AND hip, as Bright Eyes has sculpted the woeful, pissy singer facade quite well. To quote another indie band, (NO WAI) Cursive, Bright Eyes can be summed up in simple lyrics, “Well here we go again, the art of acting weak,fall in love to fail to boost your CD sales”. Strange, the two bands come from the same label, Saddle Creek, which is about the most obnoxious thing to come out of Nebraska since… oh wait, it’s the only thing to come out of fucking Nebraska. Ever. Jesus fuck.
Im sitting outside thebac, waiting on bellarmine security to come let me in. Im cold But this seems to be where i deserve to be
6thday ofNovemberin the year2009
Hip-Hop album cliche. For bob.
(via sassysparky)
i should do one, but with metal albums lol
